we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
