i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
