look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
