Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize