Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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