the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
