Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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