Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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