so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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