Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's blow job season.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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