How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
