We're facebook friends in real life
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
