I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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