yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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