Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
