Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
