drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
