puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
