you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize