I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dicks are not precious.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
