you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
