Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
