i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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