So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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