Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
