And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just made out with a guy for $7.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
