Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
