who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
