She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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