i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
