when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
