What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
