i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
