well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
