i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
