Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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