Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize