So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
