thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
