Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
