You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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