i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
