Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
