Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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