it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
