I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
