I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
