So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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