Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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