That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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