suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
