We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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