I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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