just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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