i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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