I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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