OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want her autograph on my taint
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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