perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
