I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
