Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
