we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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