Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
