do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
