"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
