I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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