my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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