I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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