I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
