I can feel you judging me through the phone.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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