Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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