like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ugly people sure do ruin things
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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