it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's even glitter on my cock...
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