he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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