So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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