guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We got so high we made milksteak
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
