I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
