im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize