I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
