new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
don't judge my taste in strippers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
