it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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