P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
