8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Randomize
