I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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