i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
