the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
