They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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