I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
