this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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