Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
be right there i have to get my cape
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
