He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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