Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
