I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
