If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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