Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm always down for nudity.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
