That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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