I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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