It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
