I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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