I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
