Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
